Kensi and Deeks' Genius Playlist
by Michelle Rose Landau
Summary: A soundtrack for all the various moments, memories, and events in our odd couple agents' lives.
1. Grief

Kensi & Deeks' Genius Playlist

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: A soundtrack for all the various moments, memories, and events in our odd couple agents' lives.

Pairing(s): Deeks/Kensi, Jack/Kensi, implied Deeks/Trainor, Deeks/OFC

Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They are the sole creative property of CBS. I do not own any of the lyrics of songs used in this work. They are the sole creative property of the singers/songwriters.

A/N: These events/memories will not be in chronological order.

* * *

**One**

Grief

* * *

_Building A Mystery_

_Sarah McLachlan_

You come out at night

That's when the energy comes

And the dark side's light

And the vampires roam

You strut your rasta wear

And your suicide poem

And a cross from a faith

That died before Jesus came

You're building a mystery

* * *

_1997_

Kensi leaned her head up against the frosty window in the passenger side door of her grandparents' Minivan, at the height of discomfort and misery. She reached her finger up and drew HELP ME, I'M TRAPPED in the condensation on the window. Her body was stiff from sitting for hours in the van while her Grandpa Frank navigated through traffic on the Queensboro Bridge. She only vaguely remembered New York; she recalled one summer some years ago, but that was about it. She recalled even less about the two people who'd been given guardianship over her, and she wondered just at what point would her life stop being _completely_ ruined.

It was cold, snowy, and dull, the complete antithesis to California. No more vibrant colors, no palm trees, no crisp salt air from the Pacific, no sunny days and temperate nights, no more Camp Pendleton, her little paradise on earth, her refuge. The only place she really felt was home.

Her entire life, her very _being_ was back home in California.

Her friends, her school, her almost-boyfriend...her father's burial site.

Kensi knew that wishes were for children, that they only ever came true in cartoons with beautiful, slim figured, blonde fairies and talking crickets, but for the millionth time since those two police officers came to her friend's house asking to speak with her, she wished that it was just one big nightmare that she could wake up from at any moment.

She may have left California behind, but the confusion, anger, and deep sense of betrayal traveled with her, weighing down her already cracked and crumbling heart.

She jumped when she felt a light touch to her knee, and she looked forward and saw her Grandma Elaine turned to look at her.

Kensi took off her headphones to her CD player.

"What?"

"We were thinking of Lorenzo's Pizza for dinner," Elaine smiled. "It's the best in the neighborhood. Do you want that?"

Kensi shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

"Well, Kensi, are you hungry or not?" Elaine asked with a chuckle. "If you just want to go straight home, we can."

The fifteen year old frowned slightly. She didn't give a shit one way or another about where or what they ate, and she so badly wanted to voice that thought, but she thought of the discipline and self control her father had taught her. Always be respectful, especially to elders.

"I guess I'm not hungry then," she finally answered. "We can just go to your house."

"Okay," Elaine smiled, then she turned back around to the front.

Kensi replaced the headphones over her ears and leaned up against the window again, letting the chill course through her muscles and bones.

When they pulled up to the rather unimpressive, weather-worn house, Kensi sighed.

She opened up the door, and she stepped out into the cold night.

"Why don't you and your Grandmother go inside?" Frank suggested. "I'll get your bags and-"

"I'll get them," Kensi interrupted. "Don't worry about it. I got it."

Kensi opened up the trunk and grabbed her bags.

They led her inside, and she looked around.

Obviously, her grandmother was a little floral happy, and she had little hope for decent decor for her bedroom.

"I'll um, make you some hot chocolate," Elaine smiled. "You must be chilled to the bone."

"No thanks," Kensi said. "Um, where's my room?"

"It's the last room at the end of the hall," Frank said. "Let me show you-"

"It's okay, Grampa," Kensi smiled slightly. "Good night."

Kensi took her bags upstairs and she opened up her room. It smelled fresh, and it was warm, but as she predicted, there was nothing but pink and floral, and she hated it.

She closed the door and she rummaged through her bags.

Kensi took out the box with her father's medal and opened it before setting it on the bedside table. Next, she took out framed pictures of her father in his full uniform and herself with her father and put them on the dresser. She fished out a few books and CD cases and put them haphazardly on the dresser, then she found some pajamas.

Once she pulled them on, she laid down and stared up at the ceiling.

* * *

You live in a church

Where you sleep with voodoo dolls

And you won't give up the search

For the ghosts in the halls

You wear sandals in the snow

And a smile that won't wash away

Can you look out the window

Without your shadow getting in the way

Oh you're so beautiful

With an edge and a charm

But so careful

When I'm in your arms

* * *

Kensi checked her schedule one last time, then she took off her headphones and opened up the door to Mr. Cole's World History class.

He was in the middle of delivering announcements, and he stopped and looked at her. He had a welcoming smile, and he came over to her.

"I'm in your class," Kensi informed him.

"Yes, Kensi Blye, right?"

"Yes sir," Kensi confirmed.

Mr. Cole checked her schedule, signed off on it, then returned it to her.

"Where do I sit, sir?"

"Anywhere you like," he smiled. "Class, we have a new student joining us. This is Kensi Blye."

Kensi's eyes scanned the room, and she gave a slight smile, then she headed to an empty desk near the middle. She could feel her other peers' eyes on her as she set her things down.

"Kensi, why don't you tell us a little about yourself?"

Kensi set her book bag down, then she pushed her shoulder length hair behind her ears.

"I just moved here from California," she began.

"Whereabouts?" Mr. Cole asked.

"San Diego," she explained. "Camp Pendleton. It's a Marine base."

"Oh, your parents are in the military?"

"My dad," Kensi stated proudly.

"Have you traveled a lot?" Mr. Cole asked.

"I've been to Hawaii, North Carolina, and I spent a summer with my dad in Japan when he was stationed there."

"That's amazing," Mr. Cole complimented. "Do you speak any Japanese?"

"Very little, and not that great, sir."

"_Sir_," someone mocked, and the class laughed.

Kensi ignored them.

"Hey, be respectful," Mr. Cole warned before turning back to Kensi. "Well, this is World history, so I'm sure you'll have much to contribute. Welcome."

"Thank you, sir."

"_Thank you, sir_," the same girl mocked, and everyone laughed.

The teacher called out a warning again, and Kensi sat down.

Her first week at school went by in a blur. She was shuffled between teachers, counselors, and classes, the registrar trying to place her in the right classes at the right level. Teachers told her all week that she had excellent grades and that she would be in advanced classes. Most of the kids were nice, but she'd quickly garnered the unwanted attention of the few jerks. Before she knew it, it was Friday evening, and she was sitting at the dinner table, pushing around her mashed potatoes.

"How was your first week, Kensi?" Elaine asked.

"It was fine, Gramma..."

"You sure you can handle all advanced classes?" Frank asked.

"Yes sir," Kensi nodded. "I had all advanced classes at my old school."

Kensi finally put down her fork.

"May I be excused?"

"Sure," Elaine smiled gently.

Kensi got up and cleared her plate, then she headed upstairs to her room.

* * *

'Cause you're working

Building a mystery

Holding on and holding it in

Yeah you're working

Building a mystery

And choosing so carefully

* * *

Christmas and New Year's came and went, rather uneventfully, as her grandparents were Jewish, and did not observe Christmas. Then, she was back at school, and she ignored the anxiety that twisted in her stomach.

She'd made a good friend, Holly, and she was a nice, mousy girl with a blunt hair cut, and hazel eyes. Kensi always sought her out at lunch and during passing periods, and they walked together to their shared classes. Having a friend made the daily taunting and harassment bearable, and she even met a boy that she found herself liking.

His name was Logan, and he was a Junior.

He took a liking to her when they accidently bumped into each other in the hallway. He helped her get her bearings, and she constantly replayed the moment his hand landed on her shoulder in her mind.

Kensi and Holly were sitting on a bench during lunch in the cold.

"So, how'd your dad die?"

"Car crash...so they say."

"I'm sorry."

Kensi rolled her eyes. "What the hell are _you_ sorry for? You know, it doesn't make people feel better when you say that."

Holly took a bite out of her sandwich.

"I know, but...what else can you say?"

Kensi pushed around her mystery meat on her styrofoam plate.

She got up and tossed it.

"You're wasting again," Holly said. "You never eat anything. You look really thin."

"I'm not hungry," Kensi said.

The bell rang.

"C'mon, let's go."

Holly gobbled down the rest of her sandwich and her chips before she threw away her trash. The girls gathered up their backpacks then headed back inside from the cold.

The hallways filled up with students, and Kensi put her headphones on.

As she and Holly walked together through the throngs of people.

Kensi didn't see the oncoming storm in the form of Heather, a curly blonde haired beauty with a nasty temper and a jealous streak. Heather had been on Kensi's case from the jump, calling her names, saying that she thought she was better than everyone...Kensi took it in stride as much as she could.

"What're you listening to?"

"Sarah McLachlan," Kensi answered.

Before she could even react, Heather grabbed the CD player out of Kensi's hand and hurled it into a locker, destroying it and the CD inside.

"You bitch!"

Kensi barely heard a word as she stared at the broken CD player.

"You better stay away from my boyfriend," Heather commanded. "Hey...are you listening to me?"

Kensi felt her heart racing in her chest, and she couldn't breathe properly.

"Y-you broke it," Kensi muttered, her own voice unfamiliar to her.

"Well, better that stupid CD player than your face," Heather threatened. "Logan is mine, you got that, California Whore?"

Kensi didn't respond, still staring at the remains.

"You answer me, bitch!" Heather demanded with a vicious shove.

The next five minutes were minutes that Kensi would never be able to recall.

* * *

You woke up screaming aloud

A prayer from your secret god

You feed off our fears

And hold back your tears

* * *

Kensi heard the muffled voices outside of her room.

"We don't know what to do," Elaine said. "Kensi won't eat, she hasn't been sleeping, she barely gets out of bed. Everyday is a struggle to get her to come out of her room. She cries for hours...what should we do?"

_Doctor..._

_Hospital..._

_Treatment..._

_Therapy..._

The door opened, and Elaine smoothed over Kensi's hair.

"Kensi...honey look at me, please..."

Kensi looked at her grandmother.

"Look, Grampa and I have talked, and...we want you to get better," she explained. "This...this isn't healthy, you understand? You can't go on like this, baby. You have school and everything. We're going to take you to people who can help you."

"I want my dad. I want to talk to my dad."

"Honey, your father is _dead_," Elaine said tearfully.

"I want to talk to my dad," Kensi repeated. "He said I could always talk to him."

"Kensi, you _can't_..."

Those words didn't register. _Can't_ wasn't in her vocabulary.

"I want my Daddy," Kensi insisted through sobs. "I need to talk to Daddy."

"My darling-"

"Take me to my Dad now!" Kensi demanded through choking sobs.

Three days later, Kensi was running to her father's gravestone in shorts, a tank top, and sandals.

She took off her sandals and she sank to the lush green grass.

"Daddy," she whispered in a shaky voice.

She laid down on the grass, her head bumping against the headstone lightly.

She curled up, letting the warm sun cover her, pretending that the rays were her father's arms.

* * *

_2006_

Kensi stood at her father's gravesite.

"Hey dad," she said softly, as she smoothed over her skirt. "How do I look? I honestly feel a little silly in this monkey suit, but...I need to look professional, yet feminine, you know? I know you're probably laughing at that, but I can be feminine...when I want to be."

She bit her bottom lip.

"I want this more than anything," she continued. "I want to make you proud of me...I...I want answers, and I think NCIS will be the key. You probably want me to let it go, but I just can't, dad. I won't be able to let it go until I know _what happened_. I need this, daddy. I hope you understand."

Kensi pushed her hair behind her ears, then she leaned in and kissed the gravestone.

"I love you dad," she grinned. "Wish me luck."

With that, she headed back to her car. She turned it on and turned up the radio.

* * *

Yeah you're working

Building a mystery

* * *

_Not all the moments will actually be like this, with Kensi or Deeks actually listening to the song, but in this chapter, Kensi took comfort in this particular song after her father's death, but the majority of it will feature a song that parallels the moment/event._


	2. On a Sleeve

Kensi & Deeks' Genius Playlist

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Pairing(s): Deeks/Kensi, Jack/Kensi, implied Deeks/Trainor, Deeks/OFC

Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS: Los Angeles, nor any of its characters. They are the sole creative property of CBS. I do not own any of the lyrics of songs used in this work. They are the sole creative property of the singers/songwriters.

A/N: Takes place post 310-The Debt

* * *

**Two**

On a Sleeve

* * *

_Say_

_John Mayer_

Take all of your wasted honor

Every little past frustration

Take all of your so-called problems,

Better put 'em in quotations

* * *

"_Swagger..." Sam smirked._

"_Swagger..." Callen grinned, as if to say, "Right on, Bro."_

_Kensi strolled into the lounge area, still looking a bit troubled. _

_Now, it looked as if her anger was back down to a manageable level, and he looked at her._

"_Bates said that you swore off female partners," she began, getting straight to the point. "Is that true?"_

"_Well, I don't really think of you as a female in that sense of the word," he uttered before thinking, and she fixed him with a prickly gaze, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned up against the pillar._

_He backtracked._

"_I mean, you're clearly not...male," he amended, gesturing to parts of her body. "Because you've got the..." He paused to chuckle-nervously-when he saw her befuddled-irritated expression. "Clearly...I don't know...Kensi."_

"_Oh, okay," she frowned. "Welcome home...I think." _

_She began to walk away._

"_No, no," he called quickly after her. "That's not-that's not what I meant. I didn't mean it like that, it's supposed to be a compliment because w-females-I would be-c'mon! Kensi...?"_

_She ignored him as she headed to the break room, and he looked at Callen and Sam._

"_Can you please back me up on this?" He requested._

_Callen just gave a bemused smirk. "Game is lookin',"_

_Sam shook his head and added, "Game recognizes nothing."_

_Hetty happened by, and Deeks called out a last ditch plea for help._

"_Hetty," he beseeched. "Hetty, please tell me you have advice for this..."_

"_Haters gonna hate," she stated._

_Deeks tilted his head back with a groan._

"_Well," Callen sighed as he got up. "It's safe to say you've got hell to pay for the foreseeable future. Good luck, buddy."_

_Sam chuckled. "You know Kensi's my girl...hate to say it, but she's got you by the balls, man."_

_Callen and Sam head out shortly after grabbing their things, leaving Deeks to wallow._

* * *

Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say

* * *

It was well after nine when Deeks arrived at Kensi's tiny bungalow, and he knocked on the door.

The lamp was on inside, the light showing through the closed blinds and curtains. He heard the faint sound of the TV on, and he knew that she was probably curled up on the couch, full from takeout, and downing a beer.

After a few moments, he knocked again.

"Kens, it's me," he called through.

When he received no answer, he sighed.

He very well couldn't blame her for not wanting to see him after the day's events. He'd lied to her, which shook her fragile trust in him as a partner.

There was no telling how far he set back his relation-_partnership_ with her.

He combed his fingers through his hair with a sigh and he tried to gather his words.

"Look Kensi, um..." Came his awkward preamble. "I know you're pissed at me, and you have every right to be...regardless of the reasons, I betrayed you, and you deserved better. I know that the whole situation was difficult for you...and I know that there were some things..._feelings_ that were brought to the surface between us..."

He paused, looking up at the starry sky, trying to grasp on to the right words.

"Things are...complicated," he began. "And to answer your question, yes, there is...a thing...between us. I don't know what the 'thing' is, exactly, but uh, it's there. Like I said, complicated," he rambled quickly. "But more to the point. I just want you to know that I will do whatever it takes to earn back your trust. I'm-"

"Deeks?"

He stopped, and he looked over at her.

His mouth went dry suddenly, and his heart raced a bit.

She was clad in a bikini that left very little to his imagination, her wet hair was draping over one shoulder, and she was clutching her iPod in one hand, and her towel and a magazine in the other.

"Hey."

* * *

Walking like a one man army

Fighting with the shadows in your head

Living out the same old moment

Knowing you'd be better off instead,

If you could only...

* * *

When Kensi arrived home, she felt restless, but she didn't feel like running, so she put on a swimsuit and she headed to the pool. She first swam laps, then she swam around and floated leisurely before getting out and reclining on the chaise with her iPod and the latest issue of _People_.

She mulled over the day's events, despite the deliberate distractions.

Deeks, her friend, her _partner_, had lied to her. It wasn't enough that her world had been disrupted by the drastic actions her partner took and the consequences that followed, but it all turned out to be a complete lie. It shook her to her core, made her question everything, and it brought out feelings and emotions that she'd forced deep down into herself, feelings that were usually hard won. But somehow, he'd managed to draw them to the surface, and that made her even more confused and angry.

The whole case forced her to admit things about her partnership with Deeks that she didn't want to ever admit, and it made her feel vulnerable and weak.

Bates was right: a partner like Deeks doesn't just come and go.

Kensi thoght briefly about her partnership with Dom. There was no comparison.

Not to sully Dominic Vail's memory, but Deeks brought something to the table.

Deeks knew how to assess and analyze a situation, he had no qualms about having her back, even when they were at the height of their distrust, and he was a quick study. Though he wasn't very well liked, he acted as thought he was meant to be at NCIS, no matter what the capacity. He belonged on the team. He _belonged_ with her. He just slinked in and sidled his way into her professional and, at times, personal life, and it both comforted and terrified her.

She questioned a thousand times how that had happened.

The point was, the thought of losing Deeks made her stumble face first into words that were ever on the tip of her tongue, to feelings that were dangerous and endless.

When she felt herself beginning to succumb to fatigue, she reluctantly got up, fighting the urge just to sleep for a few hours at the pool, and headed back to her apartment.

She most certainly wasn't expecting any company, and even if she were, Deeks was possibly the last person she wanted to see.

"Hey," she stated flatly.

They were both silent for a moment, and she watched as Deeks struggled to keep his eyes level with her own. He had a gift bag in hand with a sign on it that read FORGIVE ME taped to it, and she fought back the urge to smile instantly because he just looked utterly _pitiful_. His eyes strayed, raking of her her body, and he downcast them, a remorseful look on his face.

He was fidgeting, and awkward, and she couldn't help but think that he looked rather boyish and adorable.

"What are you doing here, Deeks?" She asked.

Deeks cleared his throat, hoping that he didn't _sound_ as pitiful and dejected as he looked.

"I uh..." He paused and furrowed his eyebrows. "How long have you been standing there? Did you hear all that?"

She took out her earbuds.

"Hear what?"

"Great..." He sighed.

"What are you talking about?"

"I was apologizing to you," he explained. "I-I thought you were inside, stubbornly ignoring me, so I did the whole John Cusack thing...minus you poking your head out a window and me holding a huge boom box over my head..."

"Deeks, no movie references right now," she frowned.

"Okay," he said, stepping closer to her. "The point is, I showed up. I showed up here because I didn't want either one of us to go through tonight with the mess I made between us. I came bearing gifts."

He handed her the bag, and she took it with a slight grin.

Kensi went over to the fountain in the middle of the courtyard garden and sat on the ledge, and Deeks followed, sitting next to her, the bag between them.

She took out the glittery tissue paper and looked inside. Her lips erupted into a full blown smile as she rummaged around. She found Twinkies, peanut butter cups, Ding-Dongs, and a baggie with a couple of frosted, jelly-filled doughnuts, and strawberry Pop-Tarts. All of her favorite treats.

"Deeks..."

"I uh, stopped at that little corner store you always go to," he grinned. "I put a variety in there to kind of last you, but it probably won't, considering your sweet tooth."

She chuckled a bit, then she looked up at him, her eyes gentle. "This was very sweet of you...no pun intended."

He smiled.

"Thank you," she said sincerely.

"Do you want me to go through my whole spiel again, or...?"

"Summarize," she instructed.

"Okay, uh..." He paused and combed one hand through his hair. "I'll do whatever you want me to do if it means earning back your trust in this partnership. I am truly sorry, Kensi, and I hope that you'll forgive me."

She gently nibbled her bottom lip, then she grinned a bit.

"Kinda hard to say no when I've got a bag full of my favorite snacks..."

He chuckled.

"You really...hurt me, today," she informed him, and he nodded.

"I know, Kensi."

There was a pause between them for a long moment before she continued.

"Look, I know that you meant well," she began. "In trying to protect me, and our..._thing_...whatever it is...there is a _thing_, is there not?"

"Yeah, I guess there is," came his honest reply. "I don't know what it is either, but...I kind of like our thing."

She nibbled her bottom lip.

"Earlier, when I thought you were fired for real, there was something that I wanted to say to you," she confessed. "But...I think you were right."

Deeks laughed. "I-I'm sorry...I was what?"

She rolled her eyes. "You were right," she repeated, and he tilted his head back and laughed. "Alright, alright...don't make me push you back into this fountain."

He sobered and looked at her.

"It wasn't the best time to say it," she agreed. "This, our thing, our partnership...I like it too. It's good...it's..._enough_."

She'd said too much already.

"Yeah," he concurred. "It's simple...and complicated..."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Uh..._simplicated_."

Kensi rolled her eyes. "Your gift for amalgamation is unparalleled."

"Okay," he chuckled. "Uh, I'm not quite sure what _amalgamation_ is, but I'll take it."

"You should know, you goof, you do it all the time," she teased as she reached into the bag and grabbed the peanut butter cups.

"You gonna share those?"

"You bought this for me, did you not?"

"Yeah," Deeks confirmed. "But...you could share...sharing is caring."

Kensi rolled her eyes.

"Here," she said, begrudgingly handing him a cup.

"See, Fern? That wasn't so hard, was it?"

Kensi popped the whole thing into her mouth, and Deeks took a bite, deciding to savor his.

She looked at him, and she raised an eyebrow when she saw his eyes rake over her again.

"What?"

He smirked. "That a new bikini?"

"Yeah, actually."

He smirked, taking in the green and white polka dot suit with sweet little white bows at her hips and at the snap halter in the back. "Hash-tag: Polka dots and bows. My partner's a closet girly-girl."

Kensi frowned at him, and she got up, grabbed her things and headed inside.

"Hash-tag: Good night, Deeks."

"Oh c'mon! Again? Kensi?" He called after her. "You look-it's feminine! It's cute-I-I'm confused... do you want me to say you're feminine or not? Kensi...?"

The door to her apartment closed, and he got up.

"Kens? Fern...? Princess...Hash-tag: You're my BFF...Hash-tag: Can I get a glass of milk?"

* * *

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say...


End file.
